so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
