Jerry, you need to find god
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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