Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
