giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
