for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
