the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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