Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
