Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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