Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
