i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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