If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
