I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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