Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
only if we run a train.
done.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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