She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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