True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
