Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
