i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
