PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize