why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he fucked my hip out of place.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
