right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
