How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
