Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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