She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
