i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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