Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
