I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What drink are we having for lunch?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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