moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't deserve a penis
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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