you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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