Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
