Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
