why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
