I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
