An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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