Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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