Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
