The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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