it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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