i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I pour the whiskey from now on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
