he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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