No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
