you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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