TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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