he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
