i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
