I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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