i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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