If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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