Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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