She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
