I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
