her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
