At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
