it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
