If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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