There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
