At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
