Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you would pick up someone in the library
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
