I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
