found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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