I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
