Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
