dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
