Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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