You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
