That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
