My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
