If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
