Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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