i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
