It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
