she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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